Twitter & the Law of Reciprocity
Why IS IT that some people seem to build up followers, have lots of friends, get on some lists here and there of top users and people you should follow, and others don’t, but want to? In a previous post I discussed the 3 ways to use Twitter. This article specifically addresses the “social for business” use for those of us who use Twitter as a promotional tool for any reason. These people first have to be broken into two groups:
- Genuine Celebrities (Be They Globally Famous or Merely Geeky)
- The Rest of Us
We Have Different Expectations of Celebrities
Celebrities, such as Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Diddy, Martha Stewart, and even noted “tech celebrities” such as Robert Scoble and Guy Kawasaki, have a different experience than most of us, due to the number of people that want to follow them for various reasons or admiration. The Law of Reciprocity may or may not be used by celebs, but they attract plenty of attention anyway. You cannot compare yourself to them. When people find out they’re there, they often gain thousands of followers overnight.
The Rest of Us Are In a Popularity Game
People may not like it, but Twitter is as old-fashioned a popularity game as high school is, IF you want to use it to promote your business, products, services or special causes. It doesn’t matter if you have 50 followers, or 50,000, if you are a non-celebrity (remember, they are differently perceived than you), you will need to have some level of popularity amongst your friends and followers because you cannot extend the reach of your message without these people. By “being popular” I mean, you need to be liked and appreciated. This is not like traditional marketing – this is social marketing and being social requires a lot of interaction with other people. (Celebrities should pay attention to the rest of this article if they want their fans and followers to adore them beyond words. Acts of kindness by strangers are doubly appreciated when you admire the person already.)
This isn’t a magic “popularity” ingredient, nor can I ensure you’ll get followers by the droves if you take my advice. This IS however, a philosophical theory that can bring you benefits if you understand it and are able to take advantage of it in your self-promotional efforts.
I am not sharing this because I want everyone to think I have some super-sales twitter tactic for big-time business growth & thousands of followers or whatever the new crop of infamous “twitter marketers” are hawking. I follow lots of people, and I have seen (I think) virtually every kind of attempt to get followers and peddle one’s wares that exists. I see great businesses, big and small, that are sending out their info in an attempt to generate some interest in what they have to offer. And time and time again, I see some methods fail, or worse, suffer backlash from vocal users who like to point out shortcomings in others. I want to help those businesses understand how to use Twitter like I do (because after all, it works for me.)
Understanding The Law of Reciprocity
The simple way to describe the Law of Reciprocity is to equate it to The Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But most of us were taught that in grade school and it still doesn’t help us win friends and influence people on Twitter! The actual, mathematical theorem depicted at Wikipedia is no help at all (except for you super-smart-geeks!) and what I am talking about is not spiritual in nature, though many students of spirituality and “law of attraction” believers consider this an important aspect of the universal condition.
I have some diagrams here to help illustrate my point. Each little spot on the circles is a “topic” of conversation on Twitter.
What I see companies and self-employed people do on Twitter, all the time, is operate like this circle on the left. They tweet, retweet and link to only that information which specifically talks about their company, a company employee, or company news of some type.
They may be friendly, and branch out a little bit over time, but their circles of interest revolve only around their own product, services, company or cause. I don’t think many businesses realize how this is perceived by others – they don’t necessarily intend to be self-serving only, so this is not a criticism but a different point of view to consider.
Popular (non-celebrity) users, on the other hand, tweet, retweet and link to information of all sorts. If a follower announces they’re having a baby, have graduated college or are getting married, they often excitedly tweet congratulations. They share items of interest that they feel others might like, even if they have no use for them. They participate sometimes in fun and silly games like #FollowFriday (where people make suggestions for people they recommend following) or #80sPhotoWeekend (wherein some of us risked ridicule by posting pics of ourselves that should have gone unseen.) They get into conversations that people are having, debating everything from the state of the economy to the controversial social practices to the best way to tweet. They share opinions, spread good and bad news, help new followers get on board and generally have a good time with the people in their Twitter stream.
“BUT @KrisColvin!!!” you might say, “I have no time for this! I am a busy business person who is all about business!” I hear you. I myself am neglecting about 12 other things simply to write this post. We are all busy. But this is NOT broadcast marketing. This is not a radio ad, tv spot, newspaper ad or direct mailer. This is social media marketing, and that takes the one thing we have even less of than we have money… it takes time.
I often refer to “pimping my friends” and have been told I’m an expert schmoozer… much of that is my particular, fairly social personality. I want to share information about the people, company and clients that I care about, but I know some folks don’t understand why they send me direct messages asking me to tweet something, and I ignore it. I do what I can, but can’t really tweet things out I have no relation to, sympathy for, understand or would use without seeming, rightfully so, fake. I try to share what I know about in line with the things people know I am interested in, mostly and just remain true to my character about it.
I recommend using Twitalyzer to find out where you stand in terms of being generous with others. If you enter my name, you’ll see I am not scoring very high on “Generosity” because I don’t retweet things as much as others do. Yet, many of my followers perceive me as generous, because they’ve witnessed me trying to help someone else. We all have our own ways of being helpful, but this information is good for me to know because I do in fact, read more links sent out than I retweet. I should step it up a bit and share those more. Seeing me help someone else, or retweet something for someone, creates the goodwill of the Law of Reciprocity – whether I have helped the person observing this or not. This is good to know, but this is where the Law also gets a bit complex. Coach John Agno explains it well at his site:
The law of reciprocity is not what can best be described as “transactional reciprocity.” Baker says that, “Many people conceive of their business dealings as spot market exchanges–value given for value received, period. Nothing more, nothing less. This tit-for-tat mode of operation can produce success, but it doesn’t invoke the power of reciprocity and so fails to yield extraordinary success.”
Baker explains, ”The lesson is that we cannot pursue the power of reciprocity. When we try to invoke reciprocity directly, we lose sight of the reason for it: helping others. Paradoxically, it is in helping others without expecting reciprocity in return that we invoke the power of reciprocity. The path to reciprocity is indirect: reciprocity ensues from the social capital built by making contributions to others.
The deliberate pursuit of reciprocity fails, just like the pursuit of happiness. Acts of contribution, big and small, build your fund of social capital, creating a vast network of reciprocity. And so those who help you may not be those you help. The help you receive may come from distant corners of your network.”
In reality, understanding how these dynamics work is just the first part of the challenge. We must genuinely like people to benefit from social media, because if you like someone, your intention is naturally more reciprocal and less self-serving. If you have a bit of an introverted or anti-social personality, this may be hard. If you are very intellectual and suffer from an intolerance of small talk, even harder. It might be a good idea to enroll someone to help you and to tweet on behalf of your business if this is the case. Your spouse, best friend or loyal employee might be able to do a better job than you may with this technology and new way of marketing. Empower them not just to “toe the company line” but to BE social… to chit-chat, to talk about random thing, to share the good news, links and informations shared by others, and to show their unique personalities online.
It is not when you are focused on the Law of Reciprocity that it will work for you – it’s when you’re not. I have literally gone on a mini-Facebook rant and moments later received a direct message from a prospective client wanting to know if Fresh ID does social media optimization. I worry about some of the things I tweet because I am highly opinonated, but not too much. Everyday, people both follow me and unfollow me. Focus on getting to know the people who have done you the honor of following you BEFORE talking about your business.
Rather than trying too hard to promote your business, mention it when something appropriate comes up. Talk naturally about your day (a benefit of frequent tweeting) and that will include aspects of your work. Share advice when you see questions. When a need that has to do with your industry is mentioned, you might be the first expert someone thinks of, and you will now be familiar to them so their recommendation will go to you. That’s how it works. It’s not a “tactic”, not a “strategy”, but you, being normal, with strangers in a social space just like you would at a party or public event. But for the Law of Reciprocity to work you have to let go of the controls and rules about how you use this medium.
Scott Stratten, aka @unmarketing on Twitter, has a great mantra that people love to share when they see it, that sum up this advice in less than 140 characters. It is:
The Five Steps of Twitter Success: Follow, Reply, Retweet, Share, Repeat
As per my habit, I want to break these down and go into some detail, because a lot of businesses may feel they are doing this already, and don’t understand why it’s not working.
Follow LOTS of people with varying interests… not just the folks that you think will buy what you’re selling.
Reply to anything you see that you have an answer in your head for (within reason.) People LOVE to be acknowledged, and sometimes we put something out we think is funny or interesting or needed and it just falls flat. Reply to people often – it is the only way to truly get to know them and become friends.
Retweet things that both apply and don’t apply to you and your mission. If it seems beneficial to many folks, or it gave you a hearty laugh, those tweets are great candidates for retweets and have nothing to do with your business (but it promotes lots of goodwill!)
Share all kinds of information. If you pick up some things at lunch at the mall because there is an incredible sale, share that – let people know because it might help them too. I often share job information because I have a client in the industry, but mainly because thousands of people are desperate for jobs! I don’t retweet every single thing I see, or share it, but if there is a hot-button issue like that you can share about that helps others, don’t hesitate because it doesn’t seem “on-topic” for your purpose.
Repeat daily and be consistent. Don’t just login to Twitter to promote something and go away. Find the time to work it into your daily routine if you want to use Twitter as a self-promotional tool. How else do you expect people to find you? Twitter by far sends more people to my sites, blogs and information than any search engine or advertising ever has. That is probably because I talk a lot!
Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear them about this topic! I feel pretty sure that if more businesses did this, they would find Twitter to be a more pleasant and effective business tool, given enough time. What do you think?
45 Responses to “Twitter & the Law of Reciprocity”
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TESTIMONIALS
I think you are onto something here. Good twitter etiquette is rooted in the Golden Rule. The more we do for others, the more is done for us. Also, I like your point about following people who may not be interested in buying your particular product. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to shed some light on this most interesting topic.
This is EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around lately! I have semi-consciously made The Law of Reciprocity my mantra.
You nailed it when you said this is social media “is not like traditional marketing” and that “you need to be liked and appreciated.” I love the mention of the “super-sales Twitter tactic!” I have heard too many discussions on “gaming Twitter” to get followers. I think this post should be required reading for people that get dollar-signs popping in their eyes about the potential of Twitter!
I can attest that Kris IS genuine about this! I’ve seen her do it! Keep it up!
Kristi…
Love the post, chica!! I can only hope many people read this and use your advice. It’s much easier for a consumer to feel good about entering into a business situation, whether contractually or a simple purchase, if they feel some personal connection. We all would much rather help our friends in business! And, I think, in the current economy, we’re all that much more conscious of where we’re doing business and whether or not that business cares about us or simply the money.
Great entry article for those of us who are getting started on Twitter. Still learning the rules but looking forward to connecting and interfacing with people.
[...] Twitter & the Law of Reciprocity [...]
Great post.
I don’t want to sound too ‘new age’ and hippy-like, but in my opinion the business opportunites that social media vehicles such as Twitter provides can be summed up thus:
“It’s All About The Love.”
It’s about giving, as much as receiving. About helping, as much as being helped. Maybe it’s all a backlash against the faceless commercial relationships that we had in the past with our bank, or our electricity company, or whoever.
In 2002 I was fortunate enough to see a presentation by a guy by the name of Tim Sanders, who wrote a book called “Love is the Killer App” http://www.amazon.com/Love-Killer-App-Business-Influence/dp/1400046831. In it, he explains much of what you call The Law Of Reciprocity. I can’t recommend the book highly enough. It changed the way that I do business – for the better.
Let’s hear it for the love
[...] Twitterface.me captured this in a very well-written thorough treatment of Twitter and the Law of Reciprocity and it’s a must [...]
Thanks for the reminder. I’ve preached the law of reciprocity for years
and still see so many who just don’t get it. You are blessed so much more
by giving than receiving. When you give of yourself, you attract people who
are doing the same. Then you can share the riches of everyone you come
in contact with.
Love the explanation of why Twitter is not a form of “transactional reciprocity”.
You nailed it, Kris. This is one of the best blog entries I’ve read on the subject. Breaking the twitterverse down into the celebrities and the rest of us helps enormously. As a relative newbie to Twitter (November 2008), I try to engage as much as I can, retweeting, making conversation, showing interest in the tweets of others, and expanding my own interest base. Twitter can, in a very real sense, reach a peer base that one might not contact globally without it. The scope and nature of Twitter is so multifaceted; to isolate one’s self on Twitter would be entirely counterproductive.
Keep up the good blogging. This is a blog post worth serial retweeting. Props to you for writing it.
Kris, excellent post. Thank you so much. I am sharing this morning with the 40+ advertising seniors at the Mizzou J-School I am supervising as their client for two social media campaigns as their final advertising course work. For most, they were new to Twitter and thus skeptical of its value to them personally and for their career plans, since they’ve ‘lived’ on Facebook so many years. Your post will help enlighten them.
On another topic relating to your post, I am a proponent of a psychological tool called the Enneagram, that gets at the ‘core motivation’ of individuals, versus other tools like Myers Briggs that measure more outward behavior & attitudes. The Enneagram divides people into 9 types (link below), and I have watched the Twitter activity of friends that I know their types, and not surprisingly, their updates often follow their ‘cores’. One word descriptions of the types are Reformer, Motivator, Helper, Romantic, Thinker, Skeptic, Enthusiast, Leader & Peacemaker. I’ve now started to examine the updates of people I don’t know and am beginning to form pretty good guesses about their types and core motivations.
The Types:
http://www.9types.com/
Great article. The really amazing thing about Twitter is the relationships that can develop that you might never have planned out in a million years. And since there’s not a lot of distracting bling, like on a lot of SNS it forces people I think to focus on actually connecting with each other in a meaningful way.
Kim, that is great! There are two articles that would also help the students understand who all these people area on Twitter…. http://mashable.com/2009/01/01/twitter-user-types/ is great at breaking Twitter users into categories, and http://www.macobserver.com/tmo/article/particle_debris_the_eight_twitter_personality_types/ which looks at a correlation between the Myers-Briggs personality type and the types of people who tweet.
Twarma? Twitterkarma? Whatever it is it’s good advice Kristi – tweeted it!
Hi Kris,
best post on this topic I’ve seen so far; tweeted it & will check twitterface.com from now on daily.
Excellent article. One of the things I’ve noticed in my limited time on Twitter, and to an equal extent, is how great everyone is about recriprocating. I just twittered it and will look forward to future blog posts.
Thanks for your comments. Well expanded version the saying; if you want it, give it away. As you said with my insert “…Follow, Reply, Retweet, ‘comment on blog’, Share, Repeat”. You get a stumbleupon vote from me.
Doug, did you say that brilliant bit of advice? I apologize if I mis-attributed, somewhere along the way I’ve seen @unmarketing and various others share it. I consider it the “short” version of this rather long post!
)))) And thank you sooo much for the Stumbleupon vote. Very nice of you!
It seems almost instinctual to use twitter in this way. ofcourse those who have used twitter longer and successfully can act as good models for new users.
Wonderful how something like twitter can influence behaviours outside of the social networking sphere and into your every day life
Be true to yourself is great advice, cause just like people who conform to win the praise of others, you can not sustain an unnatural personality without compromising both yourself and your followers… For as night follows day……..
Collaborate and interact, and treat everyone with respect as an equal!
Awesome, awesome, awesome post. Wow! I’ll be bookmarking this for sure. Thanks! =)
@AndreaTannouri the @HolisticMamma
Thanks Kris for a great post.
I’m new to twitter and anything that will help me bring value to the community is appreciated.
You have encouraged me to give even more and not expect anything from those I help- knowing the law of reciprocity is at play.
Now I’m free to do what I was meant to do-serve others unselfishly.
Thanks so much! This info is so true and ablicable Thank YOU!
Couldn’t agree more, people gravitate towards those who think similarly to themselves, even if interests are different. Con Artists attract their own dramas. Decent people attract each other, don’t you think?
I THINK I UNDERSTAND
Nice job. I appreciate your discussion on the ‘law of reciprocity.’ I had an analogous take on LinkedIn at http://crustybytes.com/2008/09/how-much-energy-to-put-into-linkedin/ db.
I’m truly enlightened.
I’ve been really trying to understand where each social forum fits into my personal and professional life and whether any of them actual offer real value. The answer of course is yes once you work out exactly what you’re trying to achieve.
Facebook I use personally to catch-up with friends, people I met on my travels and old colleagues who I care about. I could possibly live without it. For my closest friends and family I still pick up the phone.
LinkedIn – has been a revelation. As a business owner I’ve been able to network and get introduced to people and organisations that have really benefited my business and through the discussions have found some real gems of info and advice. In fact this is how I arrived at this post.
Twitter – I get the feeling there’s real value in this one and I was very skeptical when i first signed up about 6 months ago. I’ve started using again and am addicted (for want of a better phrase) . It falls somewhere between personal and professional. Some of my followers/followees are friends, but most are just interesting people with interesting things to say about things I’m interested in.
Thanks for this and your previous article – i now know the rules of engagement!
Barry
Kris,
I have been watching a steady stream of traffic to the Twitalyzer from your blog and this post for a few days but am just now having time to reply (from Milan, Italy for some reason!)
You hit the nail right on the head here regarding reciprocity and Twitter. When I put Twitalyzer’s Influence and Generosity calculations I did so with one main theme in mind: Twitter is a communication device and communication goes two ways. People continue to complain that re-tweeting in Twitter is bad and creates more “noise” than “signal” yadda yadda yadda … but I have learned a ton from folks and have found some great people to follow based on their referencing and retweeting people who I have never heard of and would have never found in Google, blogs, etc.
Your advice to Follow, Reply, Retweet, Share, Repeat is sage advice indeed. By reciprocating you create trust and a two-way relationship based on respect. By reciprocating you demonstrate to someone that you’re paying enough attention to their Tweets to see value in repeating them to your followers. And by reciprocating, in my humble opinion, you bring additional value to Twitter.
Anyway, glad you find Twitalyzer valuable even if your Generosity score doesn’t accurately represent you as a person. I am limited by the data I can collect — the nuance that is so evidence in your readers comments is definitely lost.
Sincerely,
Eric T. Peterson
CEO, Web Analytics Demystified
Creator of Twitalyzer http://www.twitalyzer.com
[...] back – seeing celebs and people who don’t follow back as elitist snubs who violate the law of Twitter reciprocity. c There are now enough tools to filter you Twitter & Facebook updates + Digg submissions that [...]
Great post. I’ve been surprised at how varied those I follow and am followed by is. It’s fun to see what others are tweeting about.
Kris this rocks. it is simple to follow and understand. I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
[...] I am not sharing this because I want everyone to think I have some super-sales twitter tactic for big-time business growth & thousands of followers or whatever the new crop of infamous “twitter marketers” are hawking. I follow lots of people, and I have seen (I think) virtually every kind of attempt to get followers and peddle one’s wares that exists. I see great businesses, big and small, that are sending out their info in an attempt to generate some interest in what they have to offer. And time and time again, I see some methods fail, or worse, suffer backlash from vocal users via twitterface.me [...]
[...] Twitter and the Law of Reciprocity — On her new blog, Twitterface, Kris breaks down the twitter popularity contest and explains how the Golden Rule applies to social media marketing. [...]
[...] of alchemy that includes part art and part science. Kris Colvin writes this in depth post titled Twitter and the laws of reciprocity an addresses ways to properly grow your brand using “social for [...]
I have to admit when I first joined Twitter I really didn’t see how it would be useful for my business or how to go about getting followers and keeping up with everyone I follow. However after participating for awhile now, I think I’m addicted.
My observations: Once I figured it out and started retweeting and conversing with people and tweeting about other things than just my business, the number of follwers I have has been steadily increasing and I am starting to see more traffic to my site. You have to provide value to the conversation or you might as well not participate.
I also find myself not paying as much attention to people who tweet repeatedly about their business and nothing else.
Twitter is meant to be a fun way to connect with people, and that means more than just talking business.
Absolutely great post – I already retweeted it to my friends
Debbie Blunt
http://twitter.com/dblunt
Very well done. I am also new to Twitter and learning. Thanks for the advice and take care!!!!!!
Great and very helpful understanding of what adding value is all about on Twitter.
Twitter is still very new and many are still trying to figure it all out. Twitter is not a place for spam and will not help those who send sales information there. That is what hurt Myspace and so if a person is thinking about Twitter being a place to advertise their business, it will not work for them here either.
So the best thing to write about is what you would find interesting to read from others. Do you want to know and read about every time someone eats something or things of that nature? Then don’t do it yourself.
Bob
This is a great post and thanks for sharing. Twitter is such a powerful tool for Network marketers and those looking to start their own business.
Awesome Post ! !
I’m new to Twitter and it was good for me to get this type of info early on. I belong to other groups and tend to get along with just about anyone. What makes me a rich person is my diversity of friends and I am willing to give anyone a chance. I do a lot of different things and welcome all comers. Some people are more selective about who they speak to on subjects they are are interested in.
One of my good friends once told me I was one of the most Social people he knows. The way I see it is you can’t have too many friends. There is no set limit. So, if you want in C’mon.
I spent many years on the road traveling the US and Canada. I made a lot of friends in many different places. When I was in their area I tried to always make time to go hang out with them. Go to dinner or other events. Sometimes just relaxing in front of the tube. I stay in contact with just about all of them to this day. So, the Laws of Reciprocity should be ever mindful because everyone’s degree of openness may vary.
For instance. One of my drivers who delivers boats for my company dropped by last night. We went for a nice walk down to the pond, in and around some of the fields around my house. We cooked out on the grill and then had coffee after dinner. I hooked him up with some HawgTrax Gear and a loaf of Amish Friendship Bread then sent him on up the road. He was a happy fellow and I was too. Just a little break in the day and neither one worse for the wear.
I always try to treat others with respect and I guess it comes back that way too. Can’t never hurt to raise the balance in ones own Karma Bank. So Tweet me up and I’ll Tweet ya right back.
David @ HawgTrax MotorSports
Spot On. Twitter will be a huge value to businesspeople who can integrate it into their lives and thereby will likely make small the new big even more. Big companies will have a very hard time achieving this. Finally an advantage for the little guy/gal.
well explained.. thanks.
What goes out comes around manyfold !!
Kris, I honestly believe that true genius is in articulating (or creating) what afterwards appears obvious or even common sense. That’s what you have done here.
Twitter is an equaliser. We all interact with the same rules. I can follow who I want. So can everyone else. We have equal power. It makes sense that we would want to follow interesting and nice tweeps who interact. They provide information and a persona that we can ‘connect’ with.
With this information, businesses can stop searching/reading social media how tos and write up their social media policy and get on with running their business.
Great article. Makes me rethink my twitter strategy somewhat too. I have to admit, I can get a little caught up in the “transactional reciprocity”.
thanks!
“Give and it shall be given unto you: good measure, pressed down, and shaken together and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you mete withal, it shall be measured to you again. ” Luke 6:38
Amen!
Great info, exactly what I was looking for. Well done